27th Dec 2023
The difference between high standards and perfectionism
In today’s dose of Natural Notes Monthly we are going to talk about the difference between high standards and perfectionism…
^ what happens in recording sometimes when I get it wrong *cue laughter, weird noises and head banging the piano *
Now if you’ve known me a little while you’ll know I discourage the word ‘perfect’. Just in last month’s edition I was talking about perfectionism and its bro frustration.
But here’s the thing…
I’m a recovering perfectionist.
What does that mean exactly?
Well, I am continually, actively trying to let go of this idea that I have to be perfect at something, or know ALL the things about a certain thing to ‘do the thing’, but it’s not easy.
(The ‘thing’ could be ‘I want to sing!’, ‘I want to share my own music with others’, ‘I’d LOVE to perform my favourite song’)
And this is something I see in some of my students as well, this need, this want to ‘know all of the things’ or put blocks in their own way, saying things like…
‘I’m not ready to perform, I need to be able to do x, y and z first’
Well, what if I told you that you didn’t have to do x, y and z first?
In fact, you could be around the m, n and o area and still be in a good position to give it a go.
(A bit of alphabet metaphor, I guess we’ll roll with it.)
The thing is, we learn best when making mistakes but we can’t make mistakes if we don’t allow ourselves to make mistakes… so our progress is a non-mover if we don’t allow ourselves to do things imperfectly…
‘Ok, ok, ok, we get it Charlie.’
Alright, you get my drift. Now, if you are a perfectionist or a recovering perfectionist like moi, what you could try instead of perfectionism is adopting ‘high standards’.
High standards, but kind standards, realistic standards.
High standards are not ‘to achieve a high standard in music I must be performing at the main stage at Glastonbury next year.’
Umm… that would be great and I would hope you would get me a plus one and a backstage pass, but it might not be the most realistic goal, it might be, but it might not be.
Having high standards means that you are committed to your progress, you kindly set realistic goals that can still be ambitious but have a target that is within reach.
When we set targets that are within reach, we can keep up morale, motivation and feel good about where we’re going and what we’ve achieved.
And when you hit them, be sure to celebrate!
Having high standards is also aiming for ‘mastery’ which is still different from perfection.
It sounds kind of ‘perfect-y’ but ‘mastery’ is different.
When I talk about ‘mastery’ I mean something like this…
Say you are prepping for a show, maybe a Natural Notes show (we’ll have one at Christmas time, pencil in 16th Dec in the afternoon, I’ll confirm it soon), and you have been asked to prep a song.
Mastering that song might be these steps:
- Work on your vocal/playing technique, honing specific parts to improve it - Learn all the words or the chords and the structure off by heart - Connect with that song in terms of the emotion, the words, what you are aiming to communicate - Practise, practise, practise until you can do it with ease
The thing is, when you play live, nerves kick in and you might not play or sing the song at 100% but if you’ve mastered it at home, chances are you’ll hit it at 80% or even 60-70% and that my friend, is a high standard.
At uni, 60%-70% is graded at a 2:1, 70% and above is first class honours. No-one ever gets 100% on coursework at uni. Uni-level work is pretty high standard is it not?
So, my challenge to you is, how can you move from perfectionism, to high standards? Can you do it with kindness? Can you laugh at yourself on a ‘bad’ day?
Every single time you pick up your instrument or you sing, you are progressing in some way, even if you can’t always see it.
Perfectionism will leave you stuck and dreaming about the thing you wish you could do whereas having high standards is finding the curiosity to see how you could try it a different way, without beating yourself up in the process.
Let’s be our own cheerleaders instead of our own bullies.
From one recovering perfectionist to another, you rock, you are full of creative music-magic, and don’t you forget it,
Charlie X
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